Grief

🍃 Grief 🍃 #IAmMe

Dylan lost his first pet a few weeks ago. His little fish Jorge. Naturally we were a little worried at how he would process this loss, being 4yrs old, his first pet and knowing he experiences things a little differently. Rich and I found Jorge at the bottom of the tank in the evening so we had some time to think about how we'd break the news to Dyl in the morning. We decided to keep the body wrapped in a little tin foil so we could show Dylan first thing after telling him the news. This proved to be the best idea because Dylan had closure by seeing the body. Closure is something Dylan really needs in all situations - big or small. He noted the colour change , how still he was and that Jorges eyes weren't as sparkly anymore. It cemented that he wasn't coming back which confirmed what we had said to him. He was naturally sad and confused when we told him and he was quiet and in need of extra hugs as to be expected. He repeated on loop "My pet is gone, my pet has died" and this became a tick for most of the morning. We expected this. Dylan likes to repeat things on loop to reaffirm something has happened or is happening. So this was a very natural reaction for him. I had plans for a theatre date with him that day and he still wanted to go so we did. This seemed to take his mind off what had happened. Dylan said he wanted to bury Jorge in a hole by the river so he would be near water again. ♥️

So we agreed to all do this after Ava finished school. He then seemed to detach from it. When it came to us saying goodbye Dylan held it all in and seemed to almost not care until Ava burst out crying and said how sad it was and she would miss Jorge alot. This almost allowed Dylan to release what he was feeling and he cried a little and said " I will miss Jorge and I hope he isn't it too cold in there". We all hugged and threw some flowers down and talked about how happy Jorge's energy would be by the water. One thing we were very clear on saying to them was that the body is just a body now and becomes part of the earth and the spirit / energy of Jorge went to the stars.

This gave them all closure and especially allowed Dylan to be at peace with what had happened. He did seem extra sensory around it all and he did stim alot more to cope but he definitely was able to process what had happened and move on from it when he was ready. I firmly believe this is down to us being honest, not sugar coating what happened and allowing dyl to react how he needed to when he needed to. Self regulating again was so helpful in this situation, dyls special stone was used to help him "count out" his sadness when he felt it and it worked beautifully 💖.

#misstrout #ThisCouldBeDyl #autismawareness #grief #additionalneeds #autism #actuallyautistic #sensoryprocessingdifficulties #stimming #autismparent #senblogger #talkaboutit #mblogger #pblogger #selfregulate